i don't like sucking hair
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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