3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
