I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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