Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
