I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize