i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
