You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
