I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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