Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize