she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
