I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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