i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
