the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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