Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
