im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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