I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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