i just google imaged poop.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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