I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
