apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
