even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize