She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
