Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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