Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
