Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
