I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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