I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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