Who did Billy Mays play for?
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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