Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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