We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
