Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
