He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
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