It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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