Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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