clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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