there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
There r osticjed everywhere
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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