I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
