Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
