Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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