AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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