giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Randomize
