I wish life had little blips of pornography
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize