Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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