His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
