Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
