dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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