Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Will exercising make me less horny?
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
