I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
You smell like stripper and shame
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
