8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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