dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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