i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
