Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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