I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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