I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
