i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I can't put those talents on a resume
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
