We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize