you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
