If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize