i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
