My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
