Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
