he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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