Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
