I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
