dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
