Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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