I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
