I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
