he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
