Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
