we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize