Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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