I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
