just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
