after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
