I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
