Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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