If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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