My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
